Youth Development and Leadership— Family Section: What Families Need to Know and Do

The “What Youth Need to Know and Do” section has complementary support roles for family members—facilitating, guiding, reminding, but also letting go and allowing youth to succeed or fail. Regardless of whether the family is a traditional nuclear family or one led by a guardian, grandparent, or foster parent, family support is critical as children negotiate the often difficult path to adulthood.

Circumstances, abilities, dreams, interests, and health vary widely from child to child—even in the same family—but each child needs to be supported in the five areas of working, learning, thriving, connecting, and leading. A number of resources are provided below to help you.

Questions:

1. What kind of things should I be doing to support my young person as he or she transitions to adulthood?

The first and most important thing is to be involved. Research shows that nurturing environments and strong connections with adults, especially parents, are essential for healthy development. Nurturing your child does not mean that you are permissive—it means that you communicate with him/her, care about him/her, keep track of what s/he is doing, and show him/her that you love him/her and will always be there. It also means that you set rules and provide reasonable consequences if the rules are broken, and that you support your child in moving toward independence—even if it means allowing him/her to fail.

The Five Areas of Youth Development provide a useful framework for guiding your support:

• Do you have high expectations for your young person?
• Is your child being exposed to career exploration and development activities including work experiences, site visits, mentoring, and goal setting?
• Are you monitoring his/her progress in school, helping with the development of a study plan (which may include an IEP for students with disabilities) that might include tutoring or other supports if necessary?
• Are you providing healthy meals and a nurturing environment, and encouraging opportunities for recreation and socialization?
• Do you keep track of where s/he is going, when s/he is coming home, and who her friends are?
• Do you encourage him/her to participate in activities with his/her peers and caring adults that built confidence and help develop communications and teamwork skills?
• Do you encourage the setting of goals, volunteering with community groups, and registering to vote?

As young people mature and seek increasing independence, their desires and expectations often conflict with those of their parents and family. This is a normal part of the maturation process that will require tact, patience, and common sense on your part. It will also require you to begin to let them go on their own so that they will be able to lead an independent, meaningful life to the greatest extent possible. This process isn’t easy, and you may find it helpful to turn to other parents or youth-serving professionals and organizations for support.

2. What resources are available to me if I need help?

Your child’s school and pediatrician can provide support, information, and referrals depending on the particular situation. If your child has an IEP, the IEP team should also be able to help you.

Parent Training and Information Centers are available in each state and serve families with children from birth to age 22 with all types of disabilities. They help 1) connect families to community resources, 2) improve education results, and 3) resolve problems between families and schools or other agencies.

A local Independent Living Center (ILC) may also be helpful. ILCs are run by and for people with disabilities, including youth, and are usually nonprofit community organizations. They provide non-residential services and advocacy with the goal of assisting individuals with disabilities to achieve their maximum potential within their families and communities. They can provide assistance with access to housing, employment, transportation, communities, recreational facilities, and health and social services.

General information on support groups, disabilities, and related issues are available on the Web. Several of them are listed in the Resources section.

3. How do “leadership skills” relate to, let alone help, my child/youth with disabilities?

Leadership is not just the ability to convince others to do something; it is also the ability to set and accomplish personal and professional goals. Leadership skills include self-determination, self-advocacy, and independent living. Your attitudes about your child’s abilities to manage his/her life have a lot to do with his/her success in school, the community, and work later in life. If your expectations are high, in many cases, your child will rise to meet them.

Allowing your child the dignity of choice--and with it the opportunity to fail--is difficult but necessary. Chances are high that you will not be around to protect your child for his/her entire life. Since they will eventually have to fend for themselves, it makes sense to give them the opportunity to begin exercising the skills they need to function independently while you are still around and able to guide and assist them.

You can start your youth on the road to becoming a leader by encouraging him/her to connect to community services and to direct his/her IEP meetings if s/he is still in school. As the youth matures, s/he should assume increasing responsibility for developing his/her IEP, and the role you play should decrease correspondingly. Your guidance will always be useful, but your youth’s growing responsibility for his/her life is critical in the long run. Over time you should become more of a coach than a manager.

As your youth with disabilities transitions to adulthood, s/he will need increasing access to information and support from people other than his/her parents—and will need to take responsibility for researching, contacting and following through with the services s/he needs. For example, connecting with peer and adult mentors with disabilities who have transitioned to independence can be very helpful. The more leadership opportunities s/he has access to, the easier this process will be.

As your child/youth approaches the age of eighteen, s/he will need to develop plans for life after high school. These plans may include employment, going to college or vocational training, or connecting with an Independent Living Center or other disability services.